I was heading into a new decade of my life feeling strong about my career, my life accomplishments and my relationship with my partner. But when he asked me who I wanted to invite to my birthday party, my mouth opened and I let out a long trail of "ummms".
You don't need a social life to go out and do fun, interesting things. Some people are kind and understanding. Among people who want to build a social life, a sub-group with some unique fears are those who Most people do not need new friends no friends at all. They're too shy, socially anxious, insecure, or unconfident to pursue friendships. Will they put too much pressure on me to be their everything? They get that someone might be shy or never learned how to make friends. Lots of people have had periods in their lives where they had no one to hang out with.
Do I want to shoulder all that? Also, while there are lots of upsides to getting out of the house, staying in and reading and playing games doesn't automatically make you boring. This one plays into worries of being found out and judged. There are lots of other things to talk about, and everyone generally assumes other people have friends, and so don't feel a need to ask about it.
But if you already have some friends, then you can easily make more than you'll ever need. Some might, but others won't care. However, those are all behaviors you can put a lid on. Also, there are a ton of other ways to have interesting or entertaining stuff to add to a discussion. The more life experience someone has they more they realize that people can go through lonely spells, often through no fault of their own.
Plenty of scummy jerks have large social circles. Some friendless people are so scared of their supposedly shameful secret getting out that they avoid socializing, because the topic of their friends might come up. I think it's reasonable to say most people won't think this way, unless you give off really clingy, smothering vibes.
Another article on this site covers some general worries anyone can have when they're trying to make friends.
For a lot of social circles that's not the case, and they mostly talk about things besides each other or the antics they got up to last week. Some people with no friends spend most of their time at home, doing things they believe make them "lame" and "boring", like watching movies or playing video games. That's a distorted worst case scenario.
They may have struggled with those issues themselves. Their current situation has left them without friends e. This article goes into more detail about the practicalities of telling people you don't a social life at the moment:.
The fear is potential friends will consider hanging out with you and then ask themselves, "Am I going to be their only friend? The worries they have can be quite limiting and help keep them stuck in their plight.
If it's been longer some people will still understand, but that situation isn't as common, so more will be curious about why it's been so long. It's a Catch If you don't have a life you've got too many things stacked against you to fix things. Even if people aren't understanding, they probably aren't going to cruelly mock you. It's usually due to a mix of interfering factors such as: They're not knowledgeable about the skills for making friends. Will they want to see me and text me constantly because I'm all they have? They may be feeling down and discouraged, and not be in the mood to go out.
They may even have exaggerated fears about someone painstakingly grilling them about their friendships until they're forced to confess how alone they are. There's a lot you can still do on your own, which will give you things to talk about aside from other benefits, like just having a good time or maybe being able to meet people.
They may not be sure how to take the news yet, but if you explain yourself and otherwise seem like a solid person, they may decide they're okay with your circumstances. You can talk about a TV show you've been watching or a place you recently visited, or share your insights on a world event, or joke around, just to name a few options.
When someone doesn't have friends it's Most people do not need new friends never because their core personality is unlikable. They already like you, so they'll put a charitable spin on this new thing they've learned. Their life circumstances are really stacked against them e.
I hired a friendship coach to help me make friends. here's what happened.
Like someone might ask what your friends are up to this weekend, or who in your small school or town you hang out with. If you generally come across as at least somewhat together and likable, people won't care that much if they find out you don't have friends. This worry assumes everyone is really harsh, judgemental, and choosy about what they look for in a friend or colleague. Lots of good people have been lonely.
You can't hit it off with everyone.
Recognizing that friends aren't necessary can help us feel better being alone.
Below I'll pick apart friendless people's most common worries. But around the right people you could easily have a long, engaging conversation only about what books, movies, or games you've been into lately. As a rule, the older people get the more understanding they are. Yes, at times people are judged negatively for being friendless, but you can't let the possibility of that paralyze you.
They've been lonely for long enough that they've developed behavior patterns that are keeping them in a rut. It varies from person to person, but I find people don't ask each other about their social lives that often. If they clicked with you they'd have had a different response. You're more likely to get a petty, immature response in high school. You can also consciously try not to act in ways that read as needy e.
"people will have a negative reaction when they find out i don't have any friends"
How you are as a person carries more weight than any abstract ideas they have about "friendless people". For one, you can look at your situation differently, in a way that can reduce your desperation hopefully the article you're reading right now will help. It's not really about your friendlessness itself. Naturally, they essentially never do in-depth interrogations. They may be younger, have some homebody tendencies, and just not be aware of all the things they could be doing outside their house or apartment.
I get that if that's all you do you might want more variety in your life. They realize someone might have a thriving social life one year, then lose it the next when their friends all move away.
Why do they stay in so much? Your worth isn't solely determined by your of friends.
Worries of people who have no friends
They may feel ashamed of their loneliness and are trying to hide from everyone. They don't mind being alone, and so don't have as much motivation to go out and meet people as someone who constantly craves company. It works in reverse if someone hasn't gotten the best impression of you.
Before I get Most people do not need new friends that I'll mention two that are made up of many of the individual ideas farther down: "You need friends to make friends. For the most part a lot of what people think of you is determined by how you interact with them in the moment, not the "on paper" information they have about your life. Again, to give a few options, you could go on a hike, visit an art exhibit, or see some live music. Another factor is how long you haven't had friends.
If I don't feel like things are working out will I feel super guilty about ending it, and casting them back into their wretched, isolated existence? It also covers how to avoid awkward silence, attract amazing friends, and why you don't need an "interesting life" to make interesting conversation. If they do reject you, odds are they'll quietly withdraw contact, not laugh in your face.
If you find you get a cold reception from most people, that's tough, but there are tons of ways you can work on yourself and eventually get warmer responses. They may unconsciously assume that since they don't have social plans to take them out of the house, they have no other option but to stay home. If you seem relaxed, like you can manage on your own, and like you won't suffocate them with your attention, their mind won't go there.
Overall, if you've been dodging social situations because you're worried everyone will suss out your friendless status within minutes of meeting you, realize that's not likely to happen. Sometimes the subject does come up.
11 reasons why you don’t have many friends
As a slight aside, if only one or two people aren't fans of you, that may be down to an incompatibility. Again, this article goes into how to tell people. On the link below you'll find a training series focused on how to feel at ease socially, even if you tend to overthink today. If they find out you have no friends they may react negatively, but it's more because they already had a so-so opinion of you. If you don't have any friends it may make you unappealing in a self-fulfilling-prophecy way, by causing you to act too desperate, nervous, and overeager.
Has it only been a few months, or over a year?